just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
