i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
