Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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