I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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