he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
