how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
