i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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