you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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