i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
