i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
