to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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