i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
