If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
