WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize