New invention idea: vibrating tampons
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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