he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
