Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
