Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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