So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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