they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
