her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
