ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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