hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize