the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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