Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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