Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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