I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
