if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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