I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
