She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
