i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize