hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
