sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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