@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
