I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
