So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize