$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
