I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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