ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
