I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
