nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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