oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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