is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize