On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
