he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
