census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
