you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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