i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
