Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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