so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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