Jerry, you need to find god
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I have feelings that need drinking.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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