You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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