i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
