if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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