she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
