I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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