god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize