Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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