and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
