Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
