Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
