my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
