I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My liver is preforming stress tests.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
