You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
