Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
