I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize