I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
