Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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