Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
