Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
