his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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