I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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