Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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