Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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