Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
