I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
