I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
