I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize