sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
