Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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