on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
