using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
