I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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