I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
false alarm, still single
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
