i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
