At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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