Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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