I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They are going to name an STD after you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
