why didn't you poke me back
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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