Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sober January is a disaster.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
