My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
