The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
