I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize