Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
