I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
