I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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