she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize