party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I will be naked everywhere
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Randomize
