SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
