alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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