He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
