there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wish there were birth control emojis
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize