We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
