true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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