So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
