i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Alive.
So much puke
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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