Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
