I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
