I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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