He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
