but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize