OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
