Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
