I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We don't watch enough power rangers
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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