My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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