haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
